I'm Back...

Thursday, April 16, 2009
Just spent 2 hours catching up on all my wedding blogs. Why I waited til the 15th to do my taxes, I'll never know. It's not like they were hard. I don't freakin' own anything! But now I'm all caught up.

Taxes? Check

Wait - that's it? Two whole days & that's all? Yeah, that's it. That's pretty much all I've accomplished the last few days. Oh wait, there was a wedding convo with the boy that didn't go well at all. The boy is stupid & opinionated. Why can't he just do things the way I want? Ok, I know it's his wedding too but why is he so hung up on traditional crap?!

See, I happen to love the idea of having photos done before the wedding. First of all, everyone looks good but more importantly, I love, love, love those "first look" pictures & it's not something I want to share with everyone as I'm standing at the end of an aisle. I just assumed this wouldn't be a problem. Didn't even occur to me. Yeah - wrong. Apparently, that's "just what you do". So I told him why it was important to me to do it my way & asked him to tell me why he wanted to do it the other way. The answer? It's just important to me & that should be good enough. At this point it took every ounce of my resolve not to kick him in the head.

You see, this is not the first time he has given me the "it's just what you do" answer. I am absolutely NOT going to do a bouquet toss. I hate it. Particularly because many of my single friends are older. It feels a little like "hey, all you desperate to get married 40 year olds come on out & maybe you could be next". I hate it. So when I say no bouquet or garter toss, he says of course there will be (you guessed it) "it's just what you do". I told him not me but did conceed to do the garter toss if it was important to him but no way on the flowers.

So here I am thinking we're this cool couple that doesn't need silly traditions & wants a wedding that's very much about "us" as opposed to what's expected. Turns out, that's just me. AT least one of us is cool.

Of course I know I'm going to have to compromise here. Well actually, I probably don't. If I really push it, he'll eventually give in & tell me to do what I want but I really hate that too. The question is - which things worth the extra effort? I'm finding I'm having a hard time discussing things with him without making him defensive. I'm not exactly sure what I'm doing as I really am consciously trying to talk things out but it's been really tough.

Is it like this for anyone else? I see a lot of blogs & most girls talk about how great their fiance is & I hate to say this but sometimes, I don't even like mine! Is that wrong?


un-bride said...

Oh dear ... it's crazy, isn't it? The idea of no longer being an autonomous decision-maker? (Especially since I'm so freakin' good at it!)

Maybe have a candid convo in a calm moment, about what's really important & why? He might be getting pressure from his 'rents, or something like that.

Lysandra said...

How frustrating! I've definitely had to compromise on things in the wedding planning, but if his reason for wanting something was "that's just what you do" I think I'd scream!

elizabeth said...

Maybe this is the moment when you give him your most winsome smile and puppy dog eyes, and say 'but it's my speeeeeecccccciiiaaallll day!', because sometimes there have to be limits on all this egalitarian, grooms-matter-too wedding planning ;-)

Seriously, though, I have been occasionally surprised by how traditional my sweetie can be (insistent on a white dress, for example. We haven't even gotten to the First Look moment, but I wouldn't be surprised if he goes the way your fiance did). In those cases, I've tried to understand what's motivating him and why that aspect is so important - as UB said - to see where/ how we might compromise.

Also maybe we need to get the guys on these alterna-bridal-blogs! The women are reading these blogs and seeing that everything doesn't have to go the way it's always been done, but I think some guys just go on auto-pilot, without considering how traditions might be updated.

Learning to make decisions together is certainly not all peaches-n-cream, regardless of what the other bridal bloggers say.

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