Observations from the Unemployed

Thursday, June 25, 2009
So, I'm still not working which means that I stay up late & sleep in every day. I'm a night person by nature so whenever I'm not working, my body just naturally falls into this pattern. It'll be a bitch when I have to go back to work & readjust but I'll cross that bridge when I get there.

The other thing that happens is that I usually have the TV on all the time. Even if I'm doing other things, I have the TV on. I was an only child until I was 20 so I think it just became like company to me. It's kinda soothing in a way. However, there are commercials that I notice over & over that bug me so just in case you missed them, I thought I should point them out.

  • Just because I'm a women & I happen to be home watching soaps in the afternoon doesn't mean I want to hear about every possible feminine hygiene product available. Like this new Rephresh gel which claims to maintain a healthy vaginal pH & eliminate order. It usually comes on at night but it's still on topic. The commercial starts with an announcer asking "tired of the discomfort from vaginal itching and odor?" (is this a problem for everyone but me? Cuz that's what they seem to be inferring). But what happens next is what gets me:
    • After your period? Rephresh
    • After intercourse? Rephresh
    • After douching? Rephresh
    After douching?! Are you freakin' kidding me?! First of all, when did we start talking about douching in anything but very vague terms? And more importantly, if you itch & stink on a regular basis (especially AFTER douching) - GO TO THE FREAKIN' DOCTOR! Holy crap, do I really need to say that?
  • Trojan Vibrating Touch personal massager - ok Trojan, you can call it a personal massager but we all know it's just a vibrator & not a very good one at that. They should just call it what it is - vibrator for beginners. The commercial annoys the hell out of me. Two middle aged women are giggling & talking about all the things it could do. Really? It's a tiny, fingertip vibrator. I can't imagine that it can do much more than your finger can do on it's own but I digress. Then, they cut to the women who are supposedly using it.
    • "Let's just say it's GOOD for a relationship" A relationship with who sweetie? Yourself? Great, but get a real vibrator!
    • "And it comes in this awesome little bag" Seriously? Is that a real selling point?
    Once again, when did we start talking about & selling vibrators on TV? Ok so it's not on during the day or prime time, but still -it's a commercial for a vibrator. So if Trojan can get away with it does that mean the next step is commercials for regular old vibrators? Then maybe we'll move on to g-spot vibes & rabbits, then attachments? I guess as long as we call them personal massagers, it's ok. Don't get me wrong, I don't have a probelm with any of those things. As a matter of fact, I'm pro-toys. I'm all for anything that works for you. I just get weirded out when I see it in a commercial running on regular television.
  • Bare Escentuals (Bare Minerals make-up) - I can not tell you how sick I am of this commercial. I realize a lot of people love this make-up. Me? Not so much - too shiny, almost sparkly even. Works for some but I'm not a fan. However, I am a make-up artist & by definition a make-up junkie so generally make-up commercials, infomercials, even home shopping crap catch my attention. That being said, as phenomenal as make-up can be, it's not a miracle & lady, I'm pretty sure you CAN live without it. It might not bother me if I only saw it once & awhile but I can not get through one late night without seeing this & Vibrating touch numerous times. I hate them both.
  • ExtenZe male enhancement product. Honestly, this one really kinda creeps me out. I'm a huge hockey fan & this played consistently throughout the Stanley Cup playoffs on Versus. Not even late at night, just right in the middle of prime time viewing - when lots of kids happen to be watching. Those must have been some fun conversations. If you don't watch sports or any other shows with a target male audience, you may not have seen it but you're in luck as you have me to share it with you. BTW, I didn't add the sound effects but found them a little amusing nonetheless.

  • And then there's Pos-T-Vac - I don't really need to explain that right? Vacuum therapy for erectile dysfunction. So you're cuddling, kissing, petting, a little foreplay & then what? "Just a sec honey, let me grab my pump. Give me a few minutes here". I don't care how turned on you are, how much you want to have sex, I'm pretty sure that'll kill the mood!
  • And my personal favorite - Aciphex. Go ahead & say it out loud. I'll wait. See what I mean? All I hear is "Ass Effects" and they say it a lot in the commercial. I actually giggled like a teenage boy the first time I heard this. A true Bevis & Butthead moment. I mean seriously, what kind of idiots were in on that marketing meeting? Did no one actually say the name of the product out loud? Come on people, you're killing me! This is comic fodder for years. BTW - it's a heartburn product, if anyone cares.
Is there a lesson here? Well, let's see.....Men have small penises & all women want a man with a huge dick. A woman's vagina should be so clean it squeaks. If you watch late night television, not only are you a complete horn dog but you obviously aren't getting any (because you can't get it up, aren't big enough or you itch & stink) otherwise you wouldn't be watching TV at 1am. And make-up can change your life.

That last one is true though....


One Barefoot Bride said...

he he he! The only one I've seen is extenZe, which has struck me as creepy as it goes on forevvvvver. (bah-dum. maybe that's the point.) and they say 'how could we sell millions if it didn't work?' - the same logic that my mom defeated every time by saying 'if everyone was jumping off a bridge, would you?'.

Miss 16thStreet said...

That was hilarious! And that extenZe commercial has been freaking the shit out of me for a while now.

Piggy Bank Bride said...

Too funny! I just found your post and I'm a fan!

otin said...

That shit was fucking funny! My type of humor!

Liz Coopersmith said...

yeah, there really is something wrong with the Extenze commercial. And thanks for the shout-out on Broke Ass Bride, by the way. I really appreciated it!

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