Funny How Quickly Your Life Can Change

Saturday, May 16, 2009
Two weeks ago I was planing a wedding in 3 months. My biggest concern was when my company would hire me back since we had to move before the 22nd of May. Today, there is no wedding, still no job & I'm moving into my own place.

I don't know what happened & I don't know why but the boy has decided that we need to live apart & get our respective shit together before we get married. Now see, I was kinda buying into the whole postponing the wedding thing as he has a point and 3 months was coming WAY too fast. However, this moving out on our own & still dating? I had to say no to that. I'm not about to go from living together for 5 years & planning a wedding to living apart & dating. Essentially I gave him an ultimatum & it didn't end up that way I had anticipated. Not at all.

So now we are separating & I'm so sad & so angry. I fully believe that he is doing what he thinks is right in his heart, I just disagree with him. I think we should do it together but he made his choice & now there is no "together". I know we'll still talk & maybe someday I can forgive him but right now I just this side of hating him. He's torn apart my whole life. Everything I believed about him & about us is just gone. I almost numb right now.

So clearly I won't be talking weddings much - at least not in the way you all are but I will be keeping up with you guys & your plans as I still feel connected to everyone. I hope to God none of you will ever have to go through this. Maybe I'll start a new blog to chronicle this journey I never thought I'd be taking. Or maybe I just keep doing it here. You are all welcome to follow along but I won't be offended if you don't. Who wants to talk about broken engagements when they are planning a wedding? I get it.

Anyway, I'll be back in some form next week. I'm moving on Monday & will be by myself (with the cats) in a tiny little place with no job & nothing but time. Thank God I found a landlord willing to take a chance on me with my bad credit & lack of employment.

Here's what I know for sure - no matter how bad I feel right now, I wake up every day & I'm breathing & I have family & friends that love me. What's happening to me isn't terminal. I'll get through it & that's better than some people.

4 comments:

Ruthie said...

Congratulations on your strength. Things will be ok!

un-bride said...

Wow ... I'm just so sorry. That's terrible. Hang in there and know that everything you're feeling is justified.

ps: I'm glad you're keeping the cats.

Cheap Wife said...

I am so so sorry. Sometimes life has a way of just slapping you across the face and turning upside down.....and often out of nowhere. I am sorry. All I can say if that life WILL go on. It hurts now...but down the road you will look back and be able to find a reason or purpose for all the crap. But right now..I'm sure it just hurts like hell. Life is not fair. ((((HUGS))))

Lysandra said...

I'm so sorry about this shitty time. Please keep blogging if you think it will help you - I plan to keep coming around! Also, I know stories like this get annoying but I wanted to let you know that I am divorced and my fiance had a horrible, messy broken engagement (she cheated while he was out of the country) but now that we are planning our life together we couldn't imagine things turning out any other way.

Post a Comment