Observations from the Unemployed

So, I'm still not working which means that I stay up late & sleep in every day. I'm a night person by nature so whenever I'm not working, my body just naturally falls into this pattern. It'll be a bitch when I have to go back to work & readjust but I'll cross that bridge when I get there.

The other thing that happens is that I usually have the TV on all the time. Even if I'm doing other things, I have the TV on. I was an only child until I was 20 so I think it just became like company to me. It's kinda soothing in a way. However, there are commercials that I notice over & over that bug me so just in case you missed them, I thought I should point them out.

• Just because I'm a women & I happen to be home watching soaps in the afternoon doesn't mean I want to hear about every possible feminine hygiene product available. Like this new Rephresh gel which claims to maintain a healthy vaginal pH & eliminate order. It usually comes on at night but it's still on topic. The commercial starts with an announcer asking "tired of the discomfort from vaginal itching and odor?" (is this a problem for everyone but me? Cuz that's what they seem to be inferring). But what happens next is what gets me:
• After your period? Rephresh
• After intercourse? Rephresh
• After douching? Rephresh
After douching?! Are you freakin' kidding me?! First of all, when did we start talking about douching in anything but very vague terms? And more importantly, if you itch & stink on a regular basis (especially AFTER douching) - GO TO THE FREAKIN' DOCTOR! Holy crap, do I really need to say that?

• Trojan Vibrating Touch personal massager - ok Trojan, you can call it a personal massager but we all know it's just a vibrator & not a very good one at that. They should just call it what it is - vibrator for beginners. The commercial annoys the hell out of me. Two middle aged women are giggling & talking about all the things it could do. Really? It's a tiny, fingertip vibrator. I can't imagine that it can do much more than your finger can do on it's own but I digress. Then, they cut to the women who are supposedly using it.
  • "Let's just say it's GOOD for a relationship" A relationship with who sweetie? Yourself? Great, but get a real vibrator!
  • "And it comes in this awesome little bag" Seriously? Is that a real selling point?
  Once again, when did we start talking about & selling vibrators on TV? Ok so it's not on during the day or prime time, but still -it's a commercial for a vibrator. So if Trojan can get away with it does that mean the next step is commercials for regular old vibrators? Then maybe we'll move on to g-spot vibes & rabbits, then attachments? I guess as long as we call them personal massagers, it's ok. Don't get me wrong, I don't have a probelm with any of those things. As a matter of fact, I'm pro-toys. I'm all for anything that works for you. I just get weirded out when I see it in a commercial running on regular television.
  

• Bare Escentuals (Bare Minerals make-up) - I can not tell you how sick I am of this commercial. I realize a lot of people love this make-up. Me? Not so much - too shiny, almost sparkly even. Works for some but I'm not a fan. However, I am a make-up artist & by definition a make-up junkie so generally make-up commercials, infomercials, even home shopping crap catch my attention. That being said, as phenomenal as make-up can be, it's not a miracle & lady, I'm pretty sure you CAN live without it. It might not bother me if I only saw it once & awhile but I can not get through one late night without seeing this & Vibrating touch numerous times. I hate them both.

• ExtenZe male enhancement product. Honestly, this one really kinda creeps me out. I'm a huge hockey fan & this played consistently throughout the Stanley Cup playoffs on Versus. Not even late at night, just right in the middle of prime time viewing - when lots of kids happen to be watching. Those must have been some fun conversations. If you don't watch sports or any other shows with a target male audience, you may not have seen it but you're in luck as you have me to share it with you. BTW, I didn't add the sound effects but found them a little amusing nonetheless.
  
  

• And then there's Pos-T-Vac - I don't really need to explain that right? Vacuum therapy for erectile dysfunction. So you're cuddling, kissing, petting, a little foreplay & then what? "Just a sec honey, let me grab my pump. Give me a few minutes here". I don't care how turned on you are, how much you want to have sex, I'm pretty sure that'll kill the mood!
  

• And my personal favorite - Aciphex. Go ahead & say it out loud. I'll wait. See what I mean? All I hear is "Ass Effects" and they say it a lot in the commercial. I actually giggled like a teenage boy the first time I heard this. A true Bevis & Butthead moment. I mean seriously, what kind of idiots were in on that marketing meeting? Did no one actually say the name of the product out loud? Come on people, you're killing me! This is comic fodder for years. BTW - it's a heartburn product, if anyone cares.

Is there a lesson here? Well, let's see.....Men have small penises & all women want a man with a huge dick. A woman's vagina should be so clean it squeaks. If you watch late night television, not only are you a complete horn dog but you obviously aren't getting any (because you can't get it up, aren't big enough or you itch & stink) otherwise you wouldn't be watching TV at 1am. And make-up can change your life.

That last one is true though....

Oh, it just keeps getting better...

Last night the boy says he thinks maybe we should postpone the wedding. Maybe it's too much. Maybe we should go to counseling since he just figured out that he's not having any fun planning the wedding. Maybe we need to take the pressure off a bit. Seriously? Three months before the wedding? Three weeks before we have to find a place to live, pack & move? THIS is the time he chooses to have this discussion?! You have to be fucking kidding me!

How is this my life right now?

Sorry ladies, I'm a total downer right now.

The Economy, The Wedding & The Drama

we all know the economy sucks & while I hate being unemployed, I am grateful that we are getting married in this environment. See, we only have a certain amount of money to spend. The amount would be the same no matter when we got married so I think it's pretty lucky that right now I can get me some deals I probably wouldn't get otherwise. Particularly in the photography arena. I've found a couple good deals now it's just a matter of seeing more of their work.

On the down side, I got a call the other day that the property we are renting has been foreclosed upon & we have to move. The moving part is a pain in the ass but honestly, I don't love where we live so I don't really mind. However since the jackass owner has gone along the last year taking our money every month & not paying his mortgage, the chances of me getting my security deposit back are slim to none. The bank is offering me cash to move without a fuss (apparently a lot of people trash the places) & I'm negotiating with them on the amount. Hopefully it'll be enough to cover another deposit, first months rent & the movers.

So now I have to pack & move in a month, take my landlord to small claims court to get my money back & plan a wedding for August 9th. And to make it easier the boy will be out of town for about 10 of the 30 days we have.

I'm screwed.

Nah - I can do this. I'm not working so I can get off my ass during the day & get some shit done (both for the wedding & the move). I just need to keep a positive attitude & not get sucked in to the depression that threatens to take over periodically.

Apparently, the universe didn't get my message about not having any drama in my life...

I'm Back...

Just spent 2 hours catching up on all my wedding blogs. Why I waited til the 15th to do my taxes, I'll never know. It's not like they were hard. I don't freakin' own anything! But now I'm all caught up.

Taxes? Check

Wait - that's it? Two whole days & that's all? Yeah, that's it. That's pretty much all I've accomplished the last few days. Oh wait, there was a wedding convo with the boy that didn't go well at all. The boy is stupid & opinionated. Why can't he just do things the way I want? Ok, I know it's his wedding too but why is he so hung up on traditional crap?!

See, I happen to love the idea of having photos done before the wedding. First of all, everyone looks good but more importantly, I love, love, love those "first look" pictures & it's not something I want to share with everyone as I'm standing at the end of an aisle. I just assumed this wouldn't be a problem. Didn't even occur to me. Yeah - wrong. Apparently, that's "just what you do". So I told him why it was important to me to do it my way & asked him to tell me why he wanted to do it the other way. The answer? It's just important to me & that should be good enough. At this point it took every ounce of my resolve not to kick him in the head.

You see, this is not the first time he has given me the "it's just what you do" answer. I am absolutely NOT going to do a bouquet toss. I hate it. Particularly because many of my single friends are older. It feels a little like "hey, all you desperate to get married 40 year olds come on out & maybe you could be next". I hate it. So when I say no bouquet or garter toss, he says of course there will be (you guessed it) "it's just what you do". I told him not me but did conceed to do the garter toss if it was important to him but no way on the flowers.

So here I am thinking we're this cool couple that doesn't need silly traditions & wants a wedding that's very much about "us" as opposed to what's expected. Turns out, that's just me. AT least one of us is cool.

Of course I know I'm going to have to compromise here. Well actually, I probably don't. If I really push it, he'll eventually give in & tell me to do what I want but I really hate that too. The question is - which things worth the extra effort? I'm finding I'm having a hard time discussing things with him without making him defensive. I'm not exactly sure what I'm doing as I really am consciously trying to talk things out but it's been really tough.

Is it like this for anyone else? I see a lot of blogs & most girls talk about how great their fiance is & I hate to say this but sometimes, I don't even like mine! Is that wrong?

I just need to vent...

Why is the expectation that just because you are in love & planning a wedding, that you will be happy all the time? I hate to be a downer here but my life kinda sucks right now. I lost my job & J's job is really slow. Financially, we are living day to day & trying to pay our bills. My father has said he will help with the wedding but he won't actually commit to a dollar value. We have to move because the owners of the unit have to sell it before the bank takes it over & I'm trying to plan this freakin' wedding. This. Is. Hard.

I am completely overwhelmed but it's not about the wedding, it's about my life. Now to be fair, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I will likely be going back to work for the same company in April & J is looking for more steady work as well. I know it will get better but occasionally, I just get mired in the bullshit & I need people to let me be sad sometimes. I mean, come on people, my life sucks, I'm having a very difficult time having fun right now even if I am planning a wedding!

Ok, I think I'm done. I hope everyone can appreciate the occasional bitch fest because I think I'll need to do it more than once....