How great is my mom? She asked me to come over tonight & she was going to take me shopping to buy me some pans. We didn't have great pans or anything but most of them were the boy's so I have like 1 $3 frying pan & 1 $9 sauce pan from Ikea. Oh - and a Dutch oven that I don't think I've ever used. Mind you, I didn't have any idea where I'd put these pans, but like the rest of this crap piled up around me, I figured eventually I'd find a place.
Anyway, I got in the shower, barely managed a little mascara & partially dried my hair. Now, you all don't really know me but this is not the way I leave the house on a general basis. I get to my mom's house & she's arranged a surprise "anti-bridal shower" with all my friends from my old job & a couple of my other close friends. She said she tried to get my friend from Boston to come but couldn't really swing it. Of course, I say, all the way from Boston. Then she jumps out from the other room. I don't know that I've ever been so happy to see someone. I've known her since I was 5. She's my best friend.
They got me a tiara & made me a a big card telling me I was beautiful & fabulous. They also made a pin the tail on the donkey game with the boy's face on the donkey's ass. They all got me some awesome dishes & a new set of pans. Seriously, how great is that?! I love my friends!
I am so grateful for these people in my life. I don't even work there anymore & they all chipped in to get me some nice pans - even the guys (they didn't come to the shower but they wanted to do something for me). I want to go back to work there so badly but it doesn't seem to be in the cards for me & right now, I need to play the hand I'm dealt. I just adore all of them. I've never worked somewhere where I genuinely liked everyone.
I'm going to spend the day tomorrow with my friend from Boston and our mutual friend Melissa. A few years ago, Melissa's marriage fell apart & she never saw it coming. They'd been together 9 years & only married for 3. She can totally relate to what I'm going through right now so it is so nice to talk with her. We're going to eat crappy food & get pedicures. There is a huge part of me that doesn't feel like doing anything but I know I need to get out & try to have some fun. Forget about my own drama for awhile.
Fuck, if I know. No one thinks about this, no one plans for it. When you get engaged, no one ever thinks about what would happen if your future groom were to freak out 3 months before your wedding & call the whole thing off.
So now I'm sitting here, in my tiny new place (less than 1/2 the size of our old place) trying to figure out what to do. I certainly have plenty to do, the whole bedroom is filled with boxes & I can't buy a bed until I get through some of this shit. Honestly, I didn't think I had that much stuff - that is, until I moved in to a place so tiny. At least it has a garage. It's full, but I have plans to donate some old furniture as well. Somehow I think maybe if I purge, I'll feel better - lighter, freer. At least I hope that will be the case.
I know that as long as I sit in the middle of this chaos, I'll be a mess. On the other hand, I don't want to go through it. Maybe because that makes it more real. I feel stuck.
On a happier note, I have a second interview on Friday so I may be among the employed again soon. I was really wanting to go back to my old company as the plan was to hire me back when they open their new location. Unfortunately, they can't give me a definite time frame & I think I just need to move on. May as well complete the circle of change right? No wedding, no fiance, new place to live, new job. Crap, I don't really know how to live this life. It's just completely different from the life I had planned 3 weeks ago.
So now I'm sitting here, in my tiny new place (less than 1/2 the size of our old place) trying to figure out what to do. I certainly have plenty to do, the whole bedroom is filled with boxes & I can't buy a bed until I get through some of this shit. Honestly, I didn't think I had that much stuff - that is, until I moved in to a place so tiny. At least it has a garage. It's full, but I have plans to donate some old furniture as well. Somehow I think maybe if I purge, I'll feel better - lighter, freer. At least I hope that will be the case.
I know that as long as I sit in the middle of this chaos, I'll be a mess. On the other hand, I don't want to go through it. Maybe because that makes it more real. I feel stuck.
On a happier note, I have a second interview on Friday so I may be among the employed again soon. I was really wanting to go back to my old company as the plan was to hire me back when they open their new location. Unfortunately, they can't give me a definite time frame & I think I just need to move on. May as well complete the circle of change right? No wedding, no fiance, new place to live, new job. Crap, I don't really know how to live this life. It's just completely different from the life I had planned 3 weeks ago.
Two weeks ago I was planing a wedding in 3 months. My biggest concern was when my company would hire me back since we had to move before the 22nd of May. Today, there is no wedding, still no job & I'm moving into my own place.
I don't know what happened & I don't know why but the boy has decided that we need to live apart & get our respective shit together before we get married. Now see, I was kinda buying into the whole postponing the wedding thing as he has a point and 3 months was coming WAY too fast. However, this moving out on our own & still dating? I had to say no to that. I'm not about to go from living together for 5 years & planning a wedding to living apart & dating. Essentially I gave him an ultimatum & it didn't end up that way I had anticipated. Not at all.
So now we are separating & I'm so sad & so angry. I fully believe that he is doing what he thinks is right in his heart, I just disagree with him. I think we should do it together but he made his choice & now there is no "together". I know we'll still talk & maybe someday I can forgive him but right now I just this side of hating him. He's torn apart my whole life. Everything I believed about him & about us is just gone. I almost numb right now.
So clearly I won't be talking weddings much - at least not in the way you all are but I will be keeping up with you guys & your plans as I still feel connected to everyone. I hope to God none of you will ever have to go through this. Maybe I'll start a new blog to chronicle this journey I never thought I'd be taking. Or maybe I just keep doing it here. You are all welcome to follow along but I won't be offended if you don't. Who wants to talk about broken engagements when they are planning a wedding? I get it.
Anyway, I'll be back in some form next week. I'm moving on Monday & will be by myself (with the cats) in a tiny little place with no job & nothing but time. Thank God I found a landlord willing to take a chance on me with my bad credit & lack of employment.
Here's what I know for sure - no matter how bad I feel right now, I wake up every day & I'm breathing & I have family & friends that love me. What's happening to me isn't terminal. I'll get through it & that's better than some people.
I don't know what happened & I don't know why but the boy has decided that we need to live apart & get our respective shit together before we get married. Now see, I was kinda buying into the whole postponing the wedding thing as he has a point and 3 months was coming WAY too fast. However, this moving out on our own & still dating? I had to say no to that. I'm not about to go from living together for 5 years & planning a wedding to living apart & dating. Essentially I gave him an ultimatum & it didn't end up that way I had anticipated. Not at all.
So now we are separating & I'm so sad & so angry. I fully believe that he is doing what he thinks is right in his heart, I just disagree with him. I think we should do it together but he made his choice & now there is no "together". I know we'll still talk & maybe someday I can forgive him but right now I just this side of hating him. He's torn apart my whole life. Everything I believed about him & about us is just gone. I almost numb right now.
So clearly I won't be talking weddings much - at least not in the way you all are but I will be keeping up with you guys & your plans as I still feel connected to everyone. I hope to God none of you will ever have to go through this. Maybe I'll start a new blog to chronicle this journey I never thought I'd be taking. Or maybe I just keep doing it here. You are all welcome to follow along but I won't be offended if you don't. Who wants to talk about broken engagements when they are planning a wedding? I get it.
Anyway, I'll be back in some form next week. I'm moving on Monday & will be by myself (with the cats) in a tiny little place with no job & nothing but time. Thank God I found a landlord willing to take a chance on me with my bad credit & lack of employment.
Here's what I know for sure - no matter how bad I feel right now, I wake up every day & I'm breathing & I have family & friends that love me. What's happening to me isn't terminal. I'll get through it & that's better than some people.
Last night the boy says he thinks maybe we should postpone the wedding. Maybe it's too much. Maybe we should go to counseling since he just figured out that he's not having any fun planning the wedding. Maybe we need to take the pressure off a bit. Seriously? Three months before the wedding? Three weeks before we have to find a place to live, pack & move? THIS is the time he chooses to have this discussion?! You have to be fucking kidding me!
How is this my life right now?
Sorry ladies, I'm a total downer right now.
How is this my life right now?
Sorry ladies, I'm a total downer right now.
I have so much catching up to do & so little time to do it! Just a quick update - the bank came through with $4000 for us to move in 30 days. I guess that makes it easier for them knowing we won't trash the place, they won't have to go through the legal hoops of eviction & they know we'll be out in 30 days & they can get in & sell it. Works for me since it's unlikely I will see my deposit any time soon.
So now I've got about 3 weeks to find a place, pack & move. Meanwhile, I also have to find a photographer & a dress. Any prayers, good thoughts, ideas or advice (or a photographer) would be greatly appreciated!
I am going to try to keep up & stay connected to this whole wedding planning thing but the last few days I have just been so overwhelmed that unfortunately, I don't do much of anything. I am trying to believe that this will all go smoothly & we'll find an awesome place & a landlord willing to work with our bad credit & we won't be packing our brains out at the last minute like last time. I really do try to buy into that vision. I actually visualize it at night & play it in my head. Like maybe if I put it out there in the universe, the universe will provide it. I'm not sure if the universe is listening but I sure hope so!
Forgive me ladies if I'm not right on top of things. I've really missed keeping up with all of you but I'll try to catch up & stay connected.
Wish me luck!
So now I've got about 3 weeks to find a place, pack & move. Meanwhile, I also have to find a photographer & a dress. Any prayers, good thoughts, ideas or advice (or a photographer) would be greatly appreciated!
I am going to try to keep up & stay connected to this whole wedding planning thing but the last few days I have just been so overwhelmed that unfortunately, I don't do much of anything. I am trying to believe that this will all go smoothly & we'll find an awesome place & a landlord willing to work with our bad credit & we won't be packing our brains out at the last minute like last time. I really do try to buy into that vision. I actually visualize it at night & play it in my head. Like maybe if I put it out there in the universe, the universe will provide it. I'm not sure if the universe is listening but I sure hope so!
Forgive me ladies if I'm not right on top of things. I've really missed keeping up with all of you but I'll try to catch up & stay connected.
Wish me luck!
Ok, so I've finally shown you all my venue & now I'd like your opinions on these invitations. I found these on the fabulous Etsy (seriously, how did I not know about this site before?). These are from the lovely collection at TrueViolet.
Oviously, the colors aren't right but I purchaed the sample set & she's going to customize it for me. The boy & I disagree on how to use the colors. Our colors are black, white & deep red, maybe a little purple as well. SO that being said, I was thinking black & white background with deep red frame & black font (maybe our names in red) & black envelopes. The boy (who used to design signs) thinks the black & white will be too dark & the frame detail won't stand out enough. I see his point, however, those are our colors so how else could we do it? He thinks we can go gray in the background. That doesn't make sense to me since it's not one of our colors.
Anyway, I'm rambling. I convo'd the designer & asked her opinion so we'll see what she comes up with. I just think they go so nicely with our venue. I hope they are as nice as I think they are!
Oviously, the colors aren't right but I purchaed the sample set & she's going to customize it for me. The boy & I disagree on how to use the colors. Our colors are black, white & deep red, maybe a little purple as well. SO that being said, I was thinking black & white background with deep red frame & black font (maybe our names in red) & black envelopes. The boy (who used to design signs) thinks the black & white will be too dark & the frame detail won't stand out enough. I see his point, however, those are our colors so how else could we do it? He thinks we can go gray in the background. That doesn't make sense to me since it's not one of our colors.
Anyway, I'm rambling. I convo'd the designer & asked her opinion so we'll see what she comes up with. I just think they go so nicely with our venue. I hope they are as nice as I think they are!
I don't think we'll used an RSVP card & asked her to make it a reception card with the address & our website info.
I'll let you all know when I get them but until then, feel free to give your opinions.
I'll let you all know when I get them but until then, feel free to give your opinions.
I've been holding out on talking about our venue since we still need to finalize a couple things but I think I'm over it now. They've assured me the date is mine & I don't need to worry. So without further ado, we're getting married & having our reception at The Bungalow Club in Los Angeles.
Here's some pics from the interior:
The two pictures above are from the front bar.
These two are the patio area
Here's some pics from the interior:
The two pictures above are from the front bar.
These two are the patio area
And this is the upstairs lounge!
Fabulous right? Ok, so not exactly the retro cocktail party thing I had always wanted but we really like it & I love the owner. She is so cool & fabulous & she makes it so easy (need I remind everyone how much I enjoy the easy?). And since we're getting married on a Sunday, we get the entire venue to ourselves! Until 1:30am. Woohoo!
When I sent in my request for a quote, she sent me back one price. ONE PRICE!! Thank you Jesus! It includes ceremony (need an officiant) appetizers, buffet dinner, open bar for an hour cash bar after that (I know, I know - people think it's unacceptable but ya know what? I don't drink & I have a very hard time paying for people to get drunk at my party. So it is what it is & my friends are fine with it) and of course all tables, chairs, lines, servers, security & get this - TAX & TIP! Yay, I don't have to think about it!
AND, since it's got so much of it's own stuff going on that I don't really need to decorate much. All those candles are part of the decor. Maybe some centerpices but that's about it. One more thing off the list! I'm kidding of course, I don't have a list. I should have a list & sometimes I pretend I'm making lists to refer to later but then I never look at them again (no wonder I suck at this).
But I digress, the ceremony will be held on the patio. They'll move out all the furniture & set it up however we want (we don't know what that might be but they'll do it). After the short ceremony, everyone will move into the main bar for cocktails, appetizers & Sinatra while they prepare the patio for dinner. After dinner & cake, it's upstairs to the lounge for dancing & the older folks who don't like 80's pop & rock can still enjoy some mellower music downstairs.
A big thanks to The Broke-Ass Bride. If I hadn't seen this on her site, I never would have contacted them. I had seen the Bungalow Club on some list but didn't bother emailing as I didn't think I could afford it. Turns out I can. Email me if you want to know more about the cost.
When I sent in my request for a quote, she sent me back one price. ONE PRICE!! Thank you Jesus! It includes ceremony (need an officiant) appetizers, buffet dinner, open bar for an hour cash bar after that (I know, I know - people think it's unacceptable but ya know what? I don't drink & I have a very hard time paying for people to get drunk at my party. So it is what it is & my friends are fine with it) and of course all tables, chairs, lines, servers, security & get this - TAX & TIP! Yay, I don't have to think about it!
AND, since it's got so much of it's own stuff going on that I don't really need to decorate much. All those candles are part of the decor. Maybe some centerpices but that's about it. One more thing off the list! I'm kidding of course, I don't have a list. I should have a list & sometimes I pretend I'm making lists to refer to later but then I never look at them again (no wonder I suck at this).
But I digress, the ceremony will be held on the patio. They'll move out all the furniture & set it up however we want (we don't know what that might be but they'll do it). After the short ceremony, everyone will move into the main bar for cocktails, appetizers & Sinatra while they prepare the patio for dinner. After dinner & cake, it's upstairs to the lounge for dancing & the older folks who don't like 80's pop & rock can still enjoy some mellower music downstairs.
A big thanks to The Broke-Ass Bride. If I hadn't seen this on her site, I never would have contacted them. I had seen the Bungalow Club on some list but didn't bother emailing as I didn't think I could afford it. Turns out I can. Email me if you want to know more about the cost.
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